SICKLE CELL: TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL YOUR PARTNER

Tina a friend of mine for a year now who is also a sickle cell warrior, has been grappling with a problem. She has been silently struggling with it for quite a long period of time.

I once asked her whether she is in a relationship and her answer was a NO. I went ahead to inquire whether she had dated before and Tina told me she has never dated before.

Tina told me that she wants to have her first date at 23. She is 22 years old now. I asked Tina whether it’s her wish to be single at her age against the norms. Many girls start dating as early as 12 years.

I dag deeper for more information because I believed telling me that she wanted to start dating at 22 was just a lame excuse. I found out that the reason she has for not dating is fear to disclose her sickle cell status to the partner.

This is the dilemma most warriors find themselves in on whether to tell or not to tell their partners. Many worry that they will lose their relationships when they tell their partners that they are sickle cell warriors. It is normal to feel nervous, embarrassed or even fearful of your partner’s reaction which may be verbal or even physical.

Disclosure is a process and has no written formula of when and how to tell. Some people prefer disclosing before the relationship, others want to disclose on the first date. Some want to do it after a certain period in a relationship. There are also those who will not disclose at all and prefer to have it “killing” them from inside.

My friend always wants to put it straight into the face of a man who wants to initiate a romantic relationship. She will tell from the start that she is a lady of ‘problems’ and whether you are ready to walk with her through the dark times.

It’s possible that your partner or spouse may change as time goes by. If you want to disclose you have to be aware that it may create new problems for you. There is still stigma attached to the whole subject of sickle cell disease and those who have it. Unsympathetic and prejudicial reactions are still common in some people.

There are important points you need to consider before disclosing;

• You need to ask yourself if the partner needs to know now or if it’s better to wait.
• Be prepared to talk about sickle cell in a clear way and provide basic information about what it means to have sickle cell disease.
• It may be helpful to have some information (printed material or websites) available to help with any questions your partner may have.

Do you have any experience you can share with us, where you had to disclose something private to a close friend, a lover or a spouse? How did it go and what was there response? Is there anything we need to keep in mind before approaching a sensitive subject.

Looking forward to hear your experiences.


Love Life!

Ssebandeke Ashiraf